ten days

I can’t believe we are only ten days away! But I mostly can’t believe she hasn’t figured everything out yet. I got the ring the other day and i just keep wanting to show her! I can’t wait to see her face when she sees it for the first time. It’s about the only thing so far that I am sure will go well.

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It has been a roller coaster with preparing the flash mob. The first week turned out great and fifteen people showed up. I knew a lot more couldn’t make it so I was so excited to see how this past weeks was going to turn out, but needless to say I was a little disappointed. 

Tuesday came and it was a big day. The second rehearsal was at 5 o’clock and right after that I was going to pick up the ring. I was so excited all day. When I got to the rehearsal I saw two girls besides Briana (who is choreographing) and my heart sank. i couldn’t believe it. so i got us a rehearsal for the next day hoping that more people would have time. Well this time we got six. It was definitely better, Briana taught the six dancers and we have been posting the videos on the dance clubs page and Northeastern.

We only have two more before the actual proposal and I must say I’m very anxious to see how the turnout will be. I know everyone is capable but we need to have a solid few rehearsals or this thing is going to flop : / I know it doesn’t really matter but it would be pretty devastating to me if this didn’t work out.

I think the hardest thing about this entire situation is not having many of my friends though. I really miss them.Don’t get me wrong there have been a few people who have helped and been there for me the whole way and I couldn’t feel more lucky to have them around. But I went to pick up the ring by myself and I kept wanting to call someone and have her come with me but we haven’t talked in so long I thought it would be weird. We had always talked about our weddings though. And she always wanted to help. Now it’s here and I can’t seem to get her to notice I’m alive let alone getting engaged without her help. I keep trying to spark her interest but it doesn’t seem to matter. It’s hard when you always thought someone was going to be there for you and when you need them most they’re no where to be found.

I spent my life surrounding myself with people, trying to be a good friend and also trying so hard to feel like I wasn’t alone. I went through so many bad relationships and so much hurt from the people I dated but mostly from myself. And the friends I had brought me through it all. I always could count on them and I was always there for whatever they needed. 

When I met Jerilyn…it was the best moment of my life. I knew nothing was going to be the same but I didn’t think that my friends wouldn’t be there anymore. I know that I definitely wasn’t as present as I was when I was single but isn’t that natural? I’ve tried so many times to keep things going but it doesn’t seem like they even care anymore. I know that friends come and go but I really thought I had some good ones that were going to stick. And now they don’t seem to care less about how happy I am. Was I supposed to be sad and lonely forever? I guess if that’s how I needed to be to keep them around it’s not worth it right.

funny…it doesn’t make me feel any better. 

But at least I have someone that will stand by my side no matter what. That’s why I’m marrying her : ) And I couldn’t feel more lucky to have her in my life.

ten days…heere we go!

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