the proposal

So, it happened. It was wonderful, exciting and not to ruin the ending but…she said yes! 

But to say it went off without a hitch would be, well, a lie. Of course we knew that sandy, the frankenstorm was on her way but as the day grew nearer, so did the looming threat of my beautifully planned proposal being washed down the drains of Massachusettes Avenue. So I grew anxious, restless and needless to say, bitchy.

I couldn’t sleep and every time I ate I though I was going to throw up. By October 28th I was in panic mode but carefully maintained a careless exterior. This was not simple. I also was trying to finalize plans with her parents, my parents, the dj, the flashmob, the choreographer, and every one of my friends who knew this was happening wanted to ask me how I was feeling. ugh. the stress. 

My cousin had come into town the day before to help calm my nerves and thank god she did or I just may not have made it. 

Now I have heard most proposal stories that begin with agitation during the day of the proposal with the significant other. By this I mean the girlfriend thought he was going to do it all day and was so angry that it wasn’t happening. Or of course the boyfriend/girlfriend is so nervous that they push away from their better half and it obviously results in resentment and confusion on the part of the askee. 

Well my day did not begin any differently. All day it seemed as though Jerilyn and I were at odds with each other. We were short and snippy  and of course I was on my phone all day which did not ease my sweetheart’s anger. I mean honestly after months of lies and sneaking around I was just about to burst and I really really wanted it all to just be over with (but not really). I had formed an emotion with a a good friend about a year ago that describes this feeling perfectly… we call it nervcited. Nervcited is fun when your more “cited” than “nerved” but eventually it evolved to the emotion I like to call…. “gonna lose my damn mind”.

So let’s summarize a bit. We are on the brink of experiencing worst hurricane on record for the east coast, girlfriend is angry at me, she’s unknowingly sabotaging my plans, and I am so nervous I’m about to pee.

Her parents arrive and I know that the dancers, choreographer, and flashmobbers are already there. I am in text with one of my best friends who knows my whereabouts to the minute. We arrive and I send the message “rounding the corner”…deep breath. 

My mother runs up to us with open arms for big hugs and then shortly after I hear the music start. A couple of the dancers trickle out and begin the routine I’ve seen a hundred times. For some reason it seems so new this time. My mother and I turn to look at Jerilyn’s expression to see if she is intrigued by the beginnings of a flashmob…the only look on her face is…disinterested. 

I attempt to engage her by mildly gawking at the numerous people dancing in front of us while I attempt to contain the  huge grin that I feel bursting through. 

Finally its my turn and I swing around to kiss her before I casually walk into the mob and start dancing along with them. She admits later that she really thought I was just joining in the flashmob because I thought I knew what I was doing. which i would never do…cough. A few moments later I’m down on one knee, asking the girl that changed my life to let me be in hers forever. 

I will never forget that moment and all of the people that made it possible. I honestly would not change one thing about that day and luckily neither would she. 

https://vimeo.com/52509786

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ten days

I can’t believe we are only ten days away! But I mostly can’t believe she hasn’t figured everything out yet. I got the ring the other day and i just keep wanting to show her! I can’t wait to see her face when she sees it for the first time. It’s about the only thing so far that I am sure will go well.

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It has been a roller coaster with preparing the flash mob. The first week turned out great and fifteen people showed up. I knew a lot more couldn’t make it so I was so excited to see how this past weeks was going to turn out, but needless to say I was a little disappointed. 

Tuesday came and it was a big day. The second rehearsal was at 5 o’clock and right after that I was going to pick up the ring. I was so excited all day. When I got to the rehearsal I saw two girls besides Briana (who is choreographing) and my heart sank. i couldn’t believe it. so i got us a rehearsal for the next day hoping that more people would have time. Well this time we got six. It was definitely better, Briana taught the six dancers and we have been posting the videos on the dance clubs page and Northeastern.

We only have two more before the actual proposal and I must say I’m very anxious to see how the turnout will be. I know everyone is capable but we need to have a solid few rehearsals or this thing is going to flop : / I know it doesn’t really matter but it would be pretty devastating to me if this didn’t work out.

I think the hardest thing about this entire situation is not having many of my friends though. I really miss them.Don’t get me wrong there have been a few people who have helped and been there for me the whole way and I couldn’t feel more lucky to have them around. But I went to pick up the ring by myself and I kept wanting to call someone and have her come with me but we haven’t talked in so long I thought it would be weird. We had always talked about our weddings though. And she always wanted to help. Now it’s here and I can’t seem to get her to notice I’m alive let alone getting engaged without her help. I keep trying to spark her interest but it doesn’t seem to matter. It’s hard when you always thought someone was going to be there for you and when you need them most they’re no where to be found.

I spent my life surrounding myself with people, trying to be a good friend and also trying so hard to feel like I wasn’t alone. I went through so many bad relationships and so much hurt from the people I dated but mostly from myself. And the friends I had brought me through it all. I always could count on them and I was always there for whatever they needed. 

When I met Jerilyn…it was the best moment of my life. I knew nothing was going to be the same but I didn’t think that my friends wouldn’t be there anymore. I know that I definitely wasn’t as present as I was when I was single but isn’t that natural? I’ve tried so many times to keep things going but it doesn’t seem like they even care anymore. I know that friends come and go but I really thought I had some good ones that were going to stick. And now they don’t seem to care less about how happy I am. Was I supposed to be sad and lonely forever? I guess if that’s how I needed to be to keep them around it’s not worth it right.

funny…it doesn’t make me feel any better. 

But at least I have someone that will stand by my side no matter what. That’s why I’m marrying her : ) And I couldn’t feel more lucky to have her in my life.

ten days…heere we go!