the talk before the talk

So…this week has been crazy. Just trying to process all of the things that will need to go in to this proposal is insane. I finally put the deposit down on the ring last night and I am so excited to see how it turns out. I am waiting to hear back from some people that are helping me coordinate everything and the anticipation of it all is killing me. But nothing seems to compare to the scariest of all…D.A.D.

So typically it is traditional for boyfriends to ask the fathers of their girlfriends for their hand in marriage. I have always found this tradition very respectable and I like to believe it proves chivalry isn’t dead…even for me! : ) And while a lot of gay couples tend to reject traditional form when marrying their significant others, I know that a lot of us really want it to be the way everyone dreams weddings should be.

Like most little girls I always envisioned my father walking me down the aisle and lifting the veil before giving me away. I wanted to participate in all of the typical wedding day beliefs like not seeing my other half before the ceremony as it was bad luck. I don’t think that much of that really has to change and I think that Jerilyn and I deserve our day to be exactly as we want it to be.

With that in mind…there comes the issue of asking Jerilyn’s father for her hand. And that is….really freakin scary! I mean I know he likes me…at least I think he does…no he does (I hope). But enough to marry his daughter…his only daughter…his little girl…all of that…you get the idea…holy shit.

So, I call my mother. Because even if our conversations seem to go on forever with all of her valuable insights, she always has the best advice (including a nice thought to scare the shit out of me, like…”what if he says no?!”….thanks mom).

But as usual I was so glad I talked to her. She told me I  just have to suck it up and do it, gave me a good plan of action, wished me a little good luck and a lot of love and “click”. I was on my own.

So I thought there’s no better time than the present! Scrolled through my recent calls to find his number and hit call. He picks up and I assure him nothing is wrong, just that I would like to set up some time for us to talk privately, in person. “Okay”, he says, a little unsure and surely a bit concerned “We can try this weekend or whenever you would like” he replies.

“How about next week?” I mention

“Oh I don’t think I can wait that long, now I want to know yesterday.”

oh geez I think…”Okay well, we’ll figure it out, hopefully this weekend will work out” I finalize anxiously.

Done. Phew. The talk before the talk is over.

Then I pause and realize, what about my dad! I have to tell him since no one else will be asking him for permission.

Now I know my father is a fairly traditional and semi emotional guy. I am sure that is a moment he has been thinking about since I was born. And as a daughter who has always looked up to him, I try to keep the disappointments to a minimum.

So on to father number two.

As this entry is getting a little lengthy and so was our talk, I will summarize…

I am nervous, choking up a little bit, but manage to tell my father that I feel bad that he won’t get a lot of the things he has imagined for me. I assure him that I want it to be just like he always thought it would. Just with slight alterations. Like when he brings me down the aisle, there won’t be some studly man at the end. It’ll just be me, waiting for the most amazing woman to meet me there, with her dad.

After my edgy ramble he quickly and effortlessly rolled into his desires for nothing but happiness for us. No sense of regret or sadness but instead elation that his daughter is so happy and is about to take such a huge step in her life. He continued about how highly he thought of Jerilyn and he could see how strong we are together as a couple…

I managed not to cry…just told him that I could not ask for a better father in the world and I am so grateful he is the man that he is.

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3 thoughts on “the talk before the talk

  1. I knew your father would be nothing but happy for you, so glad to hear that it went well. Good luck with talking to Jerilyn’s father, I cannot imagine how nerve wrecking that will be! However, knowing you are the wonderful person that you are, I am sure he will be nothing but happy for you two as well. Since I am unable to be there for you I love that you are including all of these updates, it makes me feel less guilty and more involved. So thanks 🙂 Also, I love you and am so proud and excited!!!

  2. Dad will always love his little girl and he always wanted you to be happy just like I do! I too, have always wanted the best for you! I love you and am extremely happy for you!

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