falling into place

Fall is here!! I love fall and so does Jerilyn. We’ve gone apple picking, decorated the apartment for halloween, made an apple pie…ugh its just wonderful. And things for the proposal are finally falling into place…

Tomorrow at 7:15 pm marks one month till the big day. I get more excited and nervous with every passing minute. So many steps have already been taken but there is still so much planning to do!

The hardest thing I am finding is the lying! I have to lie about all of the things I’m doing to prepare and as anyone who knows me can attest I am a HORRIBLE liar. Seriously I smile the entire time and occasionally giggle…its that bad. Luckily every time I have to meet up with someone to plot I have been able to easily cover it up and not have to lie about much.

The talk with her dad went exceptionally well for example. I was super nervous we weren’t going to be able to have a chance to be alone to talk but it basically the situation practically fell into our laps. We went out to dinner with her family on one of our regular visits to Rhode Island to celebrate her Auntie Toni’s and Auntie Sue’s birthdays. The wait at the restaurant was forty five minutes so there was a lot of debate about whether to stay or wait it out. Finally we conceded that Mr. Sawyer and I would stay with grandma and wait, while auntie Toni, mom and Jerilyn went to the store.

Grandma and I waited in the lobby and then her dad  came over and asked me if he could show me something at the bar. Once we were there he bought me a beer…

“not gonna get one of those three dollar beers are ya?” he says, referring to my regular selection of craft beers.

“no, no a bud is fine” I say, trying to move on from that quickly.

“SO,” he says “what do you want to talk to me about?”….

“well…” i say as my heart starts racing “I think you know that I care about Jerilyn very much and I think that she cares about me too…and well I think that we both …er…really love each other and are ready to begin our lives together…and we um want to take our relationship to the next level…and I was hoping that I could have your uh permission?”

“well what’s that next step gonna be?” he smiles at me

damn he’s gonna make me say it…“well you know uh…marriage!” I finally stammer out.

He smiles and says “you know Jerilyn is a very special girl and she means the world to me…and you know what? You’re a very special girl too…you have my permission I am a hundred and ten percent on board. I’m excited to see the life you two share, I know it is going to be great”


So we chat for a little longer, grab our beers and head out to meet grandma. When we got back everyone was waiting outside for us. We said we were just talkin politics and  drinkin beers at the bar,  neglecting grandma. Who was torn up about how we left her there.

But nothing was harder than seeing Jerilyn after that and not grabbing her and yelling in her face “HE SAID YES!!!”

…but I managed to contain my enthusiasm and just wore a big grin for the remainder of the evening.

Mission accomplished.

After that I had to lie about meeting with Hannah to plan out the dancing. It was easy enough as I was already meeting my friend Katrina for lunch and just slipped my meeting with Hannah in right before…. sooo sneaky!

Then I had to meet with the DJ…who by the way is DJ Leah V otherwise known as Leah McFly and she is the most bad ass lesbian DJ on the east coast. She is so pumped to do this for us and I am even more pumped to have her! awesome.

That one I covered up with meeting another friend for drinks while she auditioned for the singer showcase at Berklee (WHICH by the way she is IN!!! I am so proud of this girl I can’t even put it into words…300 Berklee students aka the best of the freakin best auditioned…they picked like 10 singers and she is one of them…amazing, seriously)

Anyhoo that one went off without a hitch. I have been very good trying to delete all of my emails, texts, etc so she does not see but it is so tough! She already caught me on one call and asked me why I called an old friend who I never talk to. But I was so surprised and caught off guard I couldnt come up with anything! Totally busted on that but it wasn’t anything major so it’s all good.

But everything is happening and I am SO excited. My cousin Adriana is coming up for the proposal and I cannot wait to…a) hang out with her finally and b) have someone to help me clean the poo from my pants on the day of.

I spoke with the guy from the haunted tour we are going on that night and he was sooo happy. Apparently they are very gay friendly so go Cambridge Haunts!

The DJ is all set just waiting on her to cut the track, we are gonna have rehearsals coming up, the most amazing person I know Briana Tartaglione, my best friend and roommate for the past four years is going to choreograph and I know it is going to be amazing….GAH…its happening.

Happy Fall Everyone!


the talk before the talk

So…this week has been crazy. Just trying to process all of the things that will need to go in to this proposal is insane. I finally put the deposit down on the ring last night and I am so excited to see how it turns out. I am waiting to hear back from some people that are helping me coordinate everything and the anticipation of it all is killing me. But nothing seems to compare to the scariest of all…D.A.D.

So typically it is traditional for boyfriends to ask the fathers of their girlfriends for their hand in marriage. I have always found this tradition very respectable and I like to believe it proves chivalry isn’t dead…even for me! : ) And while a lot of gay couples tend to reject traditional form when marrying their significant others, I know that a lot of us really want it to be the way everyone dreams weddings should be.

Like most little girls I always envisioned my father walking me down the aisle and lifting the veil before giving me away. I wanted to participate in all of the typical wedding day beliefs like not seeing my other half before the ceremony as it was bad luck. I don’t think that much of that really has to change and I think that Jerilyn and I deserve our day to be exactly as we want it to be.

With that in mind…there comes the issue of asking Jerilyn’s father for her hand. And that is….really freakin scary! I mean I know he likes me…at least I think he does…no he does (I hope). But enough to marry his daughter…his only daughter…his little girl…all of that…you get the idea…holy shit.

So, I call my mother. Because even if our conversations seem to go on forever with all of her valuable insights, she always has the best advice (including a nice thought to scare the shit out of me, like…”what if he says no?!”….thanks mom).

But as usual I was so glad I talked to her. She told me I  just have to suck it up and do it, gave me a good plan of action, wished me a little good luck and a lot of love and “click”. I was on my own.

So I thought there’s no better time than the present! Scrolled through my recent calls to find his number and hit call. He picks up and I assure him nothing is wrong, just that I would like to set up some time for us to talk privately, in person. “Okay”, he says, a little unsure and surely a bit concerned “We can try this weekend or whenever you would like” he replies.

“How about next week?” I mention

“Oh I don’t think I can wait that long, now I want to know yesterday.”

oh geez I think…”Okay well, we’ll figure it out, hopefully this weekend will work out” I finalize anxiously.

Done. Phew. The talk before the talk is over.

Then I pause and realize, what about my dad! I have to tell him since no one else will be asking him for permission.

Now I know my father is a fairly traditional and semi emotional guy. I am sure that is a moment he has been thinking about since I was born. And as a daughter who has always looked up to him, I try to keep the disappointments to a minimum.

So on to father number two.

As this entry is getting a little lengthy and so was our talk, I will summarize…

I am nervous, choking up a little bit, but manage to tell my father that I feel bad that he won’t get a lot of the things he has imagined for me. I assure him that I want it to be just like he always thought it would. Just with slight alterations. Like when he brings me down the aisle, there won’t be some studly man at the end. It’ll just be me, waiting for the most amazing woman to meet me there, with her dad.

After my edgy ramble he quickly and effortlessly rolled into his desires for nothing but happiness for us. No sense of regret or sadness but instead elation that his daughter is so happy and is about to take such a huge step in her life. He continued about how highly he thought of Jerilyn and he could see how strong we are together as a couple…

I managed not to cry…just told him that I could not ask for a better father in the world and I am so grateful he is the man that he is.

let’s start from the beginning…

Once upon a time I believed in fairy tales. I believed in them with all my heart. But I had a very hard time believing that they could happen to me…she changed everything.

To say I struggled with love…would be an understatement. Like so many before me I would jump hard and fall even harder. Each time that I would pick myself back up with the help of some great friends and each time it would get a little bit harder to do. A little bit harder for me and them :/ to pick up the pieces, but they never gave up on me.  Briana would tell me  It will be worth it…for every time you get hurt that’s how much more amazing she will be. I wanted to believe that too, but people also told me I wasn’t ready, when I was ready I would find her.

I convinced myself that they were right. I had to find myself first. I had to become okay with being me before I could ever find someone to love me the way I needed to be loved. 

Looking back I would say that is…partially true. I did have to gain confidence and find love for myself but I also needed her to help me find the rest. I am not trying to say by any means that I have made my way and I never have doubts in my life. But those doubts never go far when I know that I can come home to someone who loves me exactly the way that I am, even for things I’m not so crazy about myself.

But enough about me…because that is NOT what this is about. This is about us.  And our decision to make us forever.

We met in fairly unusual fashion and with out all the sappy details we could say it was here…

For those that are not familiar this is Boston on the corner of Mass Ave and Boylston Street. Berklee College of Music is right there to the right and right across from that on the left is where we met for the first time.

Now this was not an accidental meeting, she was in fact bringing a friend there to show her how to find me…for our date(mine and her friends date i mean). And the date went well…or so Jerilyn and I thought. I’m sure her friend would report something a little different.

And from there I couldn’t get her out of my mind. But I patiently waited until  I couldn’t bear to wait any longer. We went on a few dates (that we actually meant to go on with one another this time).  And on October 15th 2011, she could not bear to wait any longer either. The moment she asked me to be her girlfriend I already knew I was in love with her…